Monday, October 5, 2015

2015 - The Year That Love (Maybe) Died

So as most of you know I am basically the picture of stoic and not at all dramatic, ever, so this blog will be shocking to most of you because it could be read as a little mellow dramatic.  (Okay, let's be honest, I'm basically the Drama Queen of the world, but whatever).

2015 has not been a great year for love, at least not in my circle of friends.  I have watched couples that I thought would be together forever breakup, I did some breakups of my own, but here's the thing, I'm personally happier for it.

Yeah breakups suck, they hurt like hell for both parties in most cases, but I'm 9 months out of my last breakup and for the first time in my 22 years of existence I can say without a doubt that I am happy within myself.

It took me a really long time to love myself the way that I do now.  Years and years of self confidence issues and letting people use me as a doormat takes time to heal.  I started the process a long time ago, towards the end of high school, but it wasn't easy, loving yourself isn't always an easy process.

So here's my thing.  I've heard that you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself, but I think that's complete bullshit.  I think you can love someone else with all of your heart, even if you don't love yourself.  I think that expression should be you can't accept someone else's love until you love yourself.

It's easy to love someone else, to accept their flaws and their quirks, it's not so easy to love yourself and when you don't love yourself it's hard to think that anyone else could love you either. I think that a lot of times relationships end because one of the parties doesn't believe it when the other person says they love them.  For me accepting romantic love was hard for a long time because I couldn't understand how someone could love me and all of my flaws.

I live a very different life now than I lived last year or even a few months ago.  I've fallen completely in love with my life, flaws and all.  I've accepted each of my quirks and I'm okay with not changing them.  I'm 22 years old, so there's time for me to become a better person, but there are some things that people might consider flaws that I wouldn't change at all - for instance, some people might think my compulsive communication is a problem, I on the other hand am completely okay with it.

So maybe 2015 was the year that romantic love died around me, but here's the thing, I think that love is like dust, like a phoenix, like the sun, it will always rise.  Maybe 2015 is the year that love was burned to the ground, but it is resilient.  We can't give up on love because it's what makes the world go round.  As the Beatles said 'All you need is love.'

As 2015 starts to wind down (crazy to think that it's already October) I want to spread the love.  If you're feeling sad, if you're feeling unloved, come talk to me.  I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I'll listen and if you want advise I'll share my experiences.  As someone who has fallen completely in love with herself and my life I might be able to help.

This feels a little ramble-y, but I'm pretty okay with it.  I'm a ramble-y, dramatic person and I love myself for it.  XO

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